Introspection: Why I disappear periodically

I’m a very fickle person. I think human beings generally are fickle by nature. Our interests come and go very quickly.

Personally, I think I have the attention span of a five year old. When I like something, I dive into it full force: spending all of my disposable income, all of my free time and attention on whatever it is that interests me at just that moment in my life. A couple years back, it was scrapbooking. I started with free digital kits from Shabby Princess. That transitioned into a weekly shopping binge where I’d sit every Saturday and Sunday, spending up to $50 on digital scrapbooking materials, and countless hours with Adobe Photoshop. I’d churn out layout after layout.

One of the dozens of digital layouts I created in my "scrapbook phase".

One of the dozens of digital layouts I created in my “scrapbook phase”. This one celebrates my graduation day from Ateneo de Manila, with the digital materials from artist, Traci Reed.

I eventually amassed about 1 terabyte of digital scrapbooking art goodies. Yep. You read that right. I had 1TB of virtual art supplies. I had way more materials than I actually had photos to scrap with that I ended up creating multiple layouts with a single photo. That’s generally how boring my life is juxtaposed with how obsessive I become with a hobby.

I transitioned to real-life scrapbooking and crafting after that, and it was even more expensive than the digital hobby. I bought pre-cut wood to fashion into cute little drawers. I ordered die-cutting machines, and bought expensive acrylic stamps and acid-free ink. I like to think that I got so good with it that I was on several designers’ creative teams, creating new works of art on a weekly basis to support my favorite designers.

A photo box made from cardboard and printed art materials by artist, Dani Mogstad.

A photo box made from cardboard and printed art materials by artist, Dani Mogstad.

Eventually, after collecting an entire crate full of scrapping materials, I just got tired of it. It was probably a combination of the eventual loss of interest that I always have with a hobby, and the overwhelming responsibility I felt towards being part of multiple creative teams (yes, I was that competitive about this hobby!) That was also the year I got promoted from schmuck engineer to manager, so life sorta happened. I had to drop many of my teams and eventually stopped scrapbooking altogether to focus on, (what else in life do I ever focus on!) my career.

That’s just an example of my general obsessive nature and eventual utter and complete loss of interest. I had a number of other phases after that: there was the eyelashes phase where I purchased a whole crapload of false eyelashes from (and I know evidence of my doing that is still floating around somewhere on this blog!). Then there was the hair extensions obsession. I have way more hair extensions than is really normal to have (20 sets, some brands in multiples, wtf?) I reviewed a few, but never actually got around to reviewing everything that I had because I just had so many! After that it was the hair styling products, which thankfully never made it to this blog, because that would be just embarrassing! I mean, who really needs 3 different curling irons of the same barrel size? Then I started getting into fitness and it was running gear. So I had shoes, running shirts, shorts, technology doodads, you name it, I had it. This was probably the most useful phase I went through because a) I lost a lot of weight; and b) I still use everything I bought from this phase, except the bike, since I sold that and now have a better (more expensive, ugh!) bike.

And then finally, the most expensive phase of all: the designer handbags.

Bags, bags, bags!

So, can we like, pause for a moment to marvel at the folly of human greed?

I had a new, expensive designer handbag every week for 15 weeks. That’s like… utterly mind-blowing. Just the sheer amount of dollars I spent here. Mind. Blown. WTF.

I’ve since sold some of these, before moving to Manila. And, barring the last 2 Chanel handbags I purchased, I haven’t bought another bag again. Thankfully. My wallet, credit cards and bank accounts have been bled dry by this obsession.

So here I am now, back at it again with the beauty blogging. One thing I noticed with the ebb and flow of all of these hobbies was that they never resurged. Some of them may have lasted a good long while (like the scrapbooking), but I never got the urge to get back into it again after I closed that chapter of my life. OK, maybe not the fitness one, since I still run and cycle all the time, but I don’t shop obsessively for it anymore.

Makeup Orgasm, I swear.

Makeup Orgasm, I swear.

But my interest in makeup never failed me. Sure, I’d stop shopping and playing with many of my colorful toys to focus on the latest, greatest hobby of the month. But I never stopped my interest in makeup, in getting made up, in looking pretty. I still shop makeup a lot (seriously, I filled up 3 really large traincases with all the makeup I own). Sometimes, just as obsessively as I did with all of my previous interests. I probably own 50 different matte nude lipsticks. And I don’t think I’m done. I don’t think I’ll ever be done when it comes to makeup and beauty.

These days, I have to divide my time (and my funds) between my makeup obsession and the rest of real life. I have five gorgeous doggies I take care of, and they’re spoiled little monsters who get only the finest doggie shit I can afford for them.

My little princess, Coco, and me, posing completely unironically near Coco Milk Tea shop.

My little princess, Coco, and me, posing completely unironically near Coco Milk Tea shop.

I also spend a lot of my money on real property, in the hopes that some day, these investments will bail me out when I blow up my disposable income to Mars with all the makeup shopping.

Soon, I want to make this blog a real investment too. I feel like I may disappear from time to time, but I always come back to it. It may be 2 days, 2 weeks, or even 2 years before I write again. But I will write here again. And I want to make this blog better, something more reflective of me, not just in the words I type, or the photos I post, but in the style of the space itself. Soon. Let’s see if I can keep up this blogging obsession long enough for these plans to materialize. 😉